David’s story

David, an international student, had just started a master’s degree at the University of Westminster when he did a Grit programme.

I’d never been to a training like Grit before. The were no phones allowed, no distractions. Just bring yourself. For once I could focus completely on me. And that was very enlightening.

I had just arrived in the UK. I had jumped through so many hoops to get here and now I had huge culture shock. There were so many things I was struggling with and I had to adapt very fast but I had nobody to turn to: no family, no friends, no community.

But then I’ve always been very independent, used to doing things for myself. I went to boarding school at very young age where struggling for rations of food and water was just something you did to survive or else you’d get left behind. Then, later, one of my parents died. As the oldest child my siblings all looked up to me. I was expected to be a role model. I had to lead the way.

I was still at young age but I had to grow up very quickly. And so, with all these responsibilities, I didn’t have the luxury of introspection. I had to survive without looking inwards. In a way I lost my sense of self.

Grit showed me that I didn’t have to let these experiences from when I was growing up dictate the way I am now and who I want to be in the future. It was if I suddenly felt free: free to be vulnerable, free to talk about my grief instead of bottling it up, free to ask for help and support. I don’t feel that I have to be so self-contained anymore.

For the first time in a very long time I was able to put myself first, prioritise me. I accessed mental health resources, applied for financial support with the costs of my studies, got involved in a load of activities.  I let go of my old self and, amazingly, instead of just squeezing by I was now doing really well on my course.

I used to be someone who always said ‘yes’ when people ask for help. I over committed, over promised. Now I can say “wish I could but I can’t.” With Grit I saw that to say ‘no’ can be a positive.  I am being my word – I don’t make unrealistic promises, so when I say I’ll do something, I’ll do it. I’m in control. And I’m committed, no matter what.

Since Grit I’ve not been so reserved. Since Grit I’ve been able to reach out, take the first step, hold out the hand of friendship.  Now I’ve got a great set of friends. I’ve found a community.