Sophie’s story

A member of the support team at a school in Portsmouth, Sophie, took part in a 2-day programme for staff as part of a project led by the University of Portsmouth.

Absolutely wow! Absolutely fantastic! A total brain shake up! And I loved the trainer. She was very good at breaking the ice and then it was straight into content, hitting the ground running, no wasted time.

I get inundated with offers of training and events, some it of variable quality, much of it not relevant. But the invitation from the University of Portsmouth to do the Grit programme caught my eye. It sounded really good, really useful and interesting.

The workshop made me aware of how ineffective we are at listening, of how little we truly hear others. Even in a space allocated to supporting students we bring so much of ourselves, our thoughts and worries, our assumptions. Before the conversation even starts we tell ourselves that we already ‘know’ what the young person is going to say.

With Grit I saw how important it is to create the space for young people to talk. It’s about quieting all the noise you bring with you, removing yourself from the space and giving all of it over to the student. It’s about not filling the space when there is silence, just allowing the student to fill it themselves, in their own time. when they are ready.

Often, when students come to me, they struggle to articulate what they mean. It can be difficult for them to put into words what it is they want to say. Questions get monosyllabic answers or a simple “I dunno.” The situation they are in, the reason they have come to see me, is often repeating so I’m dealing with the same young people again and again and I can find both of us just going through the motions.

So now, when a student comes to me, instead of saying what I think the issue is and what needs to happen, I simply ask “what do you want to discuss?” At first they are very surprised. Then, when they see that an adult is genuinely interested in what’s going on for them, there is a light in their eyes. We might start out discussing something that seems entirely unrelated but at some point they say something of huge value to their situation. They share the stuff that really matters – and often this isn’t what you expect.

Goal setting is a key part of this. I get them to see how their future world could be different, depending on the decisions they make in the here and now. I create an opening, a possible future picture of themselves.

We get under the skin of what’s driving their behaviour or attitude. We get to the bottom of the issue. They see it, they admit it, to themselves. And this is empowering. They are in control, they make the decision. I don’t impose my views and thoughts, I just help them to find a resolution.

I’ve become more aware of using what little time I have with each student to really make a difference. Creating the space makes so much better use of it. We both, me and the young person, get much more value out of our time together. I wish everybody could do Grit. It is so, so helpful.